I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
