there's paper in my vomit.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
