I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
