Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
