no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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