If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
