He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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