guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
