First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
