i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
