i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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