im so drunk with asians
where?
always
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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