hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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