Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
