i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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