after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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