Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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