You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
