idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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