everyone is single if you try hard enough
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
