we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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