the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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