Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
ugly people sure do ruin things
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
