I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
