***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
