Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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