My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
