is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
