Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
