So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she told me i tasted like america
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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