just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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