He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
