Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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