Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
