It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How does one acquire holy water?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
