Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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