I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
