you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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