I just saw a hot homeless man
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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