Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
