Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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