oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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