so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
