Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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