You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
