I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
