She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
