maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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