so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
