Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
