dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
