I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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