if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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