I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I need to calm my uterus...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
