Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
