Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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